Where is it?

Too tired to talk about it again. I now officially hate the fact that I got involved with Anna in the first place. And please let me know if God tells you what he wanted me to get out of a break-up. Aside from anguish, that is.

Where should my passions lie?

It kinda bothers me when I read other people's blogs and they're talking about politics or the environment or their latest revelation on life. I don't write like that. I think I want to. The problem is, I'd much rather sit down with four friends in front of Halo 2 with a Pepsi in hand and just chill all night and play games. Is that bad? Am I just not thinking the right way? Am I going to get to college with my 1-hour-and-15-minute-life's-work movie and get blown away by all the other students who have solid opinions on liberalism, conservationism, philosophy? My mind can go places, but I'm, maybe, too passive on such matters? I think about what counts. I can't change the direction of this country's political highway, I can't prevent forest fires, and I sure as heck can't tell someone that their take on life is wrong. Is it bad that I don't sound as intelligent as I want? Perhaps. Is it bad that I'd rather play Halo than try to figure out the difference between Republicans and Democrats? I don't think so. I just don't care. Is that bad? I don't know...maybe. But I'm not going to win over Natalie by telling her how many kills I had last night on Xbox Live. She's like an international something-or-other/Harvard graduate, and I'm not even going to have a diploma. It really does hurt when I think about it not working out between us. Is that bad? No. How can I be more intelligent when I don't care? All my energy goes to my movies. I have a stronger desire to finish WS3 than I do to finish college. I really do hate this.

It still hurts

She's probably speaking vows as I type this. Or perhaps it's all over. Poor girl. I wish there was something I could do. I relieved Hillary of her responsibilities to my movie today. It kinda hurt to do that, I hope she wasn't hurt by it. We'll see how things go with Dannie. I have high expectations of what she can do; we're filming tomorrow, so I'll know soon enough. She's very attractive and rather intimidating, so I'm kinda nervous to film with her...I just hope things go well.

Tip of the iceberg

I heard today that Val is getting married tomorrow. It was originally my plan to see her again before that happened, but I guess there's not much I can do about it now. Normally there's a wedding rehearsal or something the night before, so there's pretty much no way I can get in touch with her now. And really, would I want to ruin the best day of her life? Come to think of it, there's no way getting married to a stupid horny loser could make someone's day good. Especially if you deserve way fricking better. There was one day, long, long ago, that she tried to kiss me...if I could see her tonight, I'd probably make that happen. We owe it to each other. It's bad enough she's fricking pregnant, now she has to marry the freak? Not cool. So not cool. My relationship with her was the best relationship I've ever had. Normally I would never say that I regret something, because regret only seems to apply when you make a choice that you don't agree with but make it anyway. But I don't regret stuff, because I always trust the choices I make. But in this case...I regret that we grew apart. Whatever that entails...I regret it. I loved that girl. A great man once said, "I did love her. I do love her. She's the best thing that ever happened to me."

The past resurfacing

For those of you who come across this part of the Masterpiece, beware: inner thoughts and emotions may surface.

So I was at Anna's last week...
What am I supposed to do with this? I don't have a lot of experience dealing with relationships, but I've come across a new thought. New for me, anyway. She broke up with me. So what is the dump-ee supposed to do with their feelings? A dump-er has obviously made the decision to move on, but all the things she was when we were together...she's still all those things. Am I not supposed to like her? I mean yeah it's been over three years, but when you come across someone who has an attractive personality/etc., you like them. And like I said she's still all the things I loved. So what am I supposed to do with those kind of emotions? Had we just met, I'd ask her out or something. But, ya know, what the heck? Any suggestions?